A Black Bird for Doomsday Harks

Like Running Backwards Through a Cornfield

Well shit gets tough when you’re working for the biggest boss around, I guess. Had to grab a briefcase for pops if it had some kinda weapon inside. Sadly, I’m not the sneaking type and I had to rely on Eli and J’s more subtle skills. Come to find out it was some kind of snake skin or something and of course it was in the hands of the coverband from the hotel. I swear we’re mixing it up bad with those folks. Well after reporting back, my hammer got a pretty cool upgrade so that didn’t hurt. Didn’t do a hell lot for it but hey, I’m a brawler not a conman. After that we got some new mission from L’s folks…

I had to close up shop and head to Willamet’s Famous Cornfeild Maze. Seems folks were getting a little too 1960s around there and the free love was getting a bit out of control. I guess the gods knew what they were doing cause it seems something supernatural was going down. And shit was it ever.

Well we got to the Corn Maze and we started gettin’ shot at! A lotta good I did, diving into Umi’s car trunk. That Prious has some leg room back there, I’ll give it that! Well we ran for a farmhouse to hear this kid (well I thought it was a kid at the time), tauntin’ us and saying they were getting something inside the maze. I figured we tie a lawnmowere to the bumper of the Prius and ram that bitch to the center, but guess magical corn can’t be dealt with like that. Good thing too, looking back on it later, we would’ve been filling out insumy rance on the wreckage.

Come to find out the little brat is Eros and leter we found out he had some kinda “Love Gun” that was making all the folks get busy. Hell, wouldn’t need to point a gun at me to get me in the sack, at my age… Anyway looks like they scratched J with it and messin’ with his head. So, it was good that we bolted outta the house and plowed into the maze when punk kid started threatin ta shoot us. I’d sooner backhand the little snot if he wasn’t being mindfucked by some evil.

Well we hit the Corn Maze and to our surprise, we’re seperated and thrown into this stone labyrinth. Glad we didn’t wheel the car in there. Looks like Eli and me got stuck together which wasn’t such a bad thing. Kid’s got guts and brass balls on him. The sword of his is somethin to be reckoned with. Well it looks like we had some need of it as we came across our favorite groupie coverband, the Knight’s Templar. Well the Bassist anyway.

Don’t know what J sees in her, she’s all breasts and no sense… and she hits like a truck! Luckily with my new tricked out hammer, I was able to hit back. Don’t think that bitch Trixie saw what was comming at her but it felt good to slug her one! I lucked out on the second swing and ploughed her right through some uptight Japanese guy Eli was sword fightin’ with. Guy seemed to think highly of himself as the band’s leader or something but he flew just like the rest of those chumps.

Well we got to the center of the maze, but things looked like they weren’t oing too well. The band members were trying to keep us from reaching the maze’s center and it seemed like they did just what they wanted. Xavier, I think that was the tooty fruity’s name. Some big shot mob honky who had the Knights’ throats in a noose. Well I’m gonna remember that face, so that way I can recognise the splatter after I slug him with my sledgehammer.

Luckily we managed to save Eros and get back in one piece, but I’m thinkin the crew’s hurtin’ pretty hard. I’m gonna do what i can to help everybody out and hope that ’ol gramps still has a thing or two to help these poor kids along.



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